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There she sat, thinking about the wrong guy all over again.
How is it possible to love two people? One more than the other, the one she was with. But the other nonetheless.
If he found about about this, he’d be furious. It was forbidden for her to have anything to do with him after all that had happened. The jealously would drive him to draw blood. She feared for his safety, but missed him more than anything.
Not having him in her life after being so dependent on him made her weak, dreary, sad.
But the weaker she got, the stronger her relationship with him got. He knew something was wrong. No matter how much she lied about being fine, he could tell she wasn’t as happy as she used to be.
She might have successfully blamed it on a lot of other believable things, but for how long?
Till she ran out of convincing reasons? Or till she couldn’t take it anymore?
She couldn’t lose him. She truly did love him.
How naive how her to want the best of both worlds just for once.
The best of two worlds that were very aware of each other, and were almost polar opposites.
One kind, caring, an asylum for her sensitivity but unable to grant her freedom and the other strong, protective but somewhat harsh on her weaknesses.
She knew what had to be done. But she couldn’t bring herself to do it.
She knew what she’d be getting into.
She didn’t want to hurt either of them, but blame her for being so helpless without either one.

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Are you Dealing With a Heartbreak?

After a trauma, your body is at its most vulnerable. Response time is critical. So you’re suddenly surrounded by people—doctors, nurses, specialists, technicians—surgery is a team sport. Everyone pushing for the finish line. Putting you back together again.

But heart-break is a trauma in and of itself, and once it’s over, the real healing begins. It’s called recovery. Recovery is not a team sport. It’s a solitary distance run. It’s long. It’s exhausting. And it’s lonely as hell.

The length of your recovery is determined by the extent of your injuries. And it’s not always successful. No matter how hard we work at it. Some wounds might never fully heal. You might have to adjust to a whole new way of living. Things may have changed too radically to ever go back to what they were. You might not even recognize yourself. It’s like you haven’t recovered anything at all. You’re a whole new person with a whole new life.

You realize that the people that surround you, and are a part of your daily life, are suddenly not the kind you’d want to spend your time with or mix with anymore. Either they remind you too much of something you’re trying to completely, or they have suddenly developed a contrasting thought process in comparison to yours. You start highlighting qualities of theirs which you never even notices anymore. You find yourself drifting away from these people in a desperate search for a new circle of people and friends to match up to your new life. To match the “New You”.

You may either become completely emotionless, and deal with like with an attitude that nothing affects you anymore or you don’t really care anymore about anything because it isn’t worth it. Or you may become extremely emotional. To the extent that anything, at the drop of the hat can make you tear up and start balling.
You won’t understand what has to be done at this stage. You’ll probably feel that this is going to last forever. That you’ve permanently changed wither into a rock, or a wreck.

Well to be honest, the best thing to do at this point is not do anything at all. Let the breakup run its course. Let everything settle down. You probably think that you can fix it right now, but you can’t. Trust me. Doing anything before the dust settles will only ensure you know down some other pillar as you can’t see where you’re going. So sit tight. Get in touch with all your feelings. Get them out of your system. Once everything has settled, which could take from a month to a year, and you both have had enough time to think, then go talk things out. If it’s love, it’s gotta last, if it didn’t last, it wasn’t love. So don’t be afraid to give yourself as much of a time out as you and your body need.

Just remember this guys. Every dark cloud has a silver lining, and the night’s always the darkest before the dawn..
Things WILL get better. They have to. 🙂

Lots of love.
Xx.

P.s- Leave a comment if you liked the post of if you generally have any comments on the topic! Thankyouuu! 😀

Is the road not taken often regretted?

There, more than often, come times in your life when you are faced with two or more choices, and you have to choose one. Without knowing what the other choice will lead to, you follow a road on which you carry on with your life.
You deal with the consequences that come your way, good or bad, and you move on.
More choices come your way, more decisions, more consequences, and the cylce continues.

We make so many choices in our lifetime, that we can hardly even remember them.
We forget their consequences,
We forgive the ways the affected us,
We move on.

But have you ever been reminded of a choice you made, that you now so deeply regret?
A choice that if given the chance you would do anything to go back in time and change?
A choice that you now feel so wrongly about, that you want to completely forget about it becuase you know you can’t do much to change the past, so all you got left is either settle for whatever you can now, or try to do as much damage control now as possible.

At the time or taking a decision, you put all your thought and concentration into the step you’re going to take next.
You list out the pros and cons o every choice, and then with what you feel is great knowledge, you pick and choose, fight and settle and are mostly content with whatever you have left.

You never really know whether that choice was detrimental or highly beneficial to you, till its played its course and the dust settles.

So in a way you can’t really blame yourself for making the wrong decision, as at that time you thought or assumed it was the right one, can you?

No, not really 🙂

So even though you do regret it, and you do really wish you could change it,
honor your decision and try not to be too hard on yourself aight?

love you!
Xx.

P.s- Leave a comment if you liked the post of if you generally have any comments on the topic! Thankyouuu! 🙂

Love…♥

“Love is more a state of mind than anything else. We get so used to it that sometimes we start liking it. Then we realize we need it, and move on to wanting it. Which is why some of us even shape our lives around it. And when it falls apart, we are left shattered, broken and in agony. The pain is unimaginable. The pain, the heart-break, feels like organ failure, and then death. The only difference being that death ends. This on the other hand, can go on, and on. and on, for a VERY long time.

That is why most of us find it better to stay alone. We build up our protective shields and place them around our emotions and stand guard. But what if it’s too late? What if we realize that instead of looking for the perfect partner we are just looking for the perfect dose of love and care, of affection, for the feeling that we’ve started craving so much. And since we all believe that something is better than nothing, we begin to settle for whatever we can find. We begin to believe that its feasible. We settle for way less than we deserve.

Which is why when we are happy, when we convince ourselves we are happy, we know that we really aren’t. We realize that we are compromising for some part, any part, of what we want so bad. Just so that we feel complete. Even if it’s just for a moment or two. But then why do we repeatedly shape our lives around it? Why do we allow ourselves to make it a habitual process? It falls apart once, falls apart twice, and by the time we start from the beginning for the third time, instead of a fresh start we realize that we are working with broken bricks – crushed and shattered by the forces that we have exposed them to. How can we expect a wall made with damaged bricks to hold up? How can we expect the same bricks to fit in, in the same order, when they’ve been chipped and chiseled? We can’t.

Anyhow, we can’t really blame ourselves. Love enacts a dangerous disease. It enters our bodies and spreads through our bloodstream, captivating every part of us. It then begins to mutate and change its shape, dis-enabling our anti-love-bodies from identifying, attacking and then eradicating it. Living inside us like an instinct which has naturally developed inside us. It makes us trust it. We begin to try and give ourselves to it. We begin to give into it. And then, like every disease it attacks us. And it may not show on the outside, but it tends to cause immense amounts of internal damage. The sort of damage that leaves scars. Scars which are left so deep inside us, that they might disappear in time, but the memory of them existing never does.”

P.s- Leave a comment if you liked the post of if you generally have any comments on the topic! Thankyouuu! 🙂