Confessions

I push myself for you
to keep you happy, to see that smile on your face
you don’t seem to ever appreciate it
you probably can’t imagine how tough it is for me
to put my emotions behind your needs
you push me into a corner till I have to lie
just to get some space for my emotions
but then that fills me with guilt
which makes me feel worse
so then it’s like either I suffocate myself for you
or then I drown myself with guilt just so I can breathe
I’m so lost.
I’m so tired.
I’m so done.
But I can’t live without you.
Because in the most literal way,
I’m living for you.
So either I suffocate myself for you
or then I drown myself with guilt just so I can breathe.

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Untitled..

There she sat, thinking about the wrong guy all over again.
How is it possible to love two people? One more than the other, the one she was with. But the other nonetheless.
If he found about about this, he’d be furious. It was forbidden for her to have anything to do with him after all that had happened. The jealously would drive him to draw blood. She feared for his safety, but missed him more than anything.
Not having him in her life after being so dependent on him made her weak, dreary, sad.
But the weaker she got, the stronger her relationship with him got. He knew something was wrong. No matter how much she lied about being fine, he could tell she wasn’t as happy as she used to be.
She might have successfully blamed it on a lot of other believable things, but for how long?
Till she ran out of convincing reasons? Or till she couldn’t take it anymore?
She couldn’t lose him. She truly did love him.
How naive how her to want the best of both worlds just for once.
The best of two worlds that were very aware of each other, and were almost polar opposites.
One kind, caring, an asylum for her sensitivity but unable to grant her freedom and the other strong, protective but somewhat harsh on her weaknesses.
She knew what had to be done. But she couldn’t bring herself to do it.
She knew what she’d be getting into.
She didn’t want to hurt either of them, but blame her for being so helpless without either one.

From Me, To You ♡

Look into my eyes, because I never want to let you out of my sight
Cuddle into my arms, because I feel safest when you hug me so tight

Listen to what I say, because no words can explain how I feel about you
Understand my love so I can believe you love me too
Be near when I’m afraid, because baby you’re my sturdy rock
Catch me when I fall so I’m confident to run instead of walk

Tell me that you need me so I know I can fix your mood
Scream at me when you’re angry so I know I can handle you when your rude

Show me your worst, because if I can’t love it I don’t deserve your best
Promise me you’ll never leave me, so I can feel more special than the restBe yourself, because it’s the best you can ever be
And I’m here forever, yours for eternity. :*

Have you ever..

Have you ever felt like standing in the rain alone
with your favorite slow song playing in the background
holding his hand so tight that it’s the only sensation of warmth you can feel while your body is numbed by the ice cold raindrops
And just being open and receptive to all the emotions that are rushing through your blood like adrenaline..

Have you ever felt like just freezing the moment
stopping time for just enough moments for you to reach out and grab him
hug him so openly in front of everyone to let them know he’s yours
But the only difference being no one would know what just happened because they were frozen in time..

Have you ever felt like just getting onto that stage
grabbing the mike from the hands of whoever is up there
and just singing your heart out without caring about how you sound
Or who is watching you while you make every moment worthwhile..

Have you ever felt so lost
like just getting onto a train and letting it take you till as far as it can go
where the people are nicer and more loving
More importantly somewhere.. where nobody knows who you are..

Have you ever felt so angry about something
with someone or because of someone
that you literally feel like you are doing them a favor by inhibiting your rage from taking control of you
But only till the next time..

Have you ever just wanted to let go
and fall into the arms or hands of whatever or whoever is left to hold you
hoping that there is someone there
But not really worrying about it at all..

Have you ever cried so damn hard
that you can feel the tears coming out of your broken love
You know you need to stop because you can’t breathe properly anymore
But you can’t.. You just can’t stop..

Have you ever felt so in touch with your surroundings
that you smile at every change around you
and believe that no matter what happens
You do have a destiny to fulfill, even though you don’t really even know what it is..

Have you ever felt like just breaking away
from all your burdens and responsibilities because you have had more than enough
you don’t even care about who your decisions will affect from now on
You just have to feel free, alive, independent..

Have you ever felt so happy
that you feel as though your joy has filled you with enough energy to circle the globe a million times
that you are so light that you can fly
And you make everyone around you as happy as you are

Have you ever felt so protective
like you’re guarding something that has more value and importance than the most valuable thing on earth
and that anyone who tries to even approach it is a threat to its existence
So you behave like a shield, hiding it, protecting it..

Have you ever felt like this moment is yours
you want to cease it but you don’t know how to
yet you enjoy it more than ever
Because you feel as though, at least for right now, you own the world..

Have you ever felt so special
made to feel like you’re the only one that really matters anymore
like even your flaws are perfect and your decisions are final and pending
Like no matter what, you’re always going to be the one..

Have you ever felt love
it takes over your soul and makes you feel like you belong
it hits you harder every time you think about it, every day seems newer, every moment more cherish-able
and before you  know it you find yourself bound to someone in a way you never thought imaginable..
Ever willing to hold on..
Never wanting to let go..

Disguised Love

Love is like gravity. A strange, freeing, compromising, emotion-filled pull that keeps us grounded, but at the same time  enables us to fly high and dream openly about our most cherished fantasies. It’s like a treasure chest filled with all our favorite moments that just mesmerizes us and evades the limitations of willingness and drowns us in an ocean of moments that capture our heart and souls every second of the day. When it hits you, it lifts you up and lightens your burdens , you feel like your dancing with butterflies in a sky lit with the northern lights. You fell like flying alongside shooting stars and you feel strong enough to be able to tame even the harshest streak of lightening. Every second seems longer, but yet somehow time begins to fly past you. Even an incident that occurred a year ago seems like it caught hold of you only yesterday.
Willingness, compromise, pain hope, happiness, disappointment and thousands of the emotions fill you up to the brim and somewhere lost among these emotions, you try and find your way to the surface.

But every time you get even near the top, near even a quarter of an understanding to what you’re going through, these emotions magnify and you find yourself buried under them all over again. You find a moment filled with happiness can lift you up past the tallest mountain and in almost a split-second, when you experience pain, that very same mountain feels like its been put on dropped of your chest, not allowing you to breathe. Love calms you down and that same love hypes you up to the extent that you feel like you can outrun even light if the person you love is standing at the finish-line as your reward for winning. You feel ready to take any bullet, hit or measure of pain for that person just as long as they remain happy, safe and protected.

You are at your most vulnerable… and that’s when love comes and stabs you so sharply in your heart that you are stunned and can no longer breathe or think.

Are you Dealing With a Heartbreak?

After a trauma, your body is at its most vulnerable. Response time is critical. So you’re suddenly surrounded by people—doctors, nurses, specialists, technicians—surgery is a team sport. Everyone pushing for the finish line. Putting you back together again.

But heart-break is a trauma in and of itself, and once it’s over, the real healing begins. It’s called recovery. Recovery is not a team sport. It’s a solitary distance run. It’s long. It’s exhausting. And it’s lonely as hell.

The length of your recovery is determined by the extent of your injuries. And it’s not always successful. No matter how hard we work at it. Some wounds might never fully heal. You might have to adjust to a whole new way of living. Things may have changed too radically to ever go back to what they were. You might not even recognize yourself. It’s like you haven’t recovered anything at all. You’re a whole new person with a whole new life.

You realize that the people that surround you, and are a part of your daily life, are suddenly not the kind you’d want to spend your time with or mix with anymore. Either they remind you too much of something you’re trying to completely, or they have suddenly developed a contrasting thought process in comparison to yours. You start highlighting qualities of theirs which you never even notices anymore. You find yourself drifting away from these people in a desperate search for a new circle of people and friends to match up to your new life. To match the “New You”.

You may either become completely emotionless, and deal with like with an attitude that nothing affects you anymore or you don’t really care anymore about anything because it isn’t worth it. Or you may become extremely emotional. To the extent that anything, at the drop of the hat can make you tear up and start balling.
You won’t understand what has to be done at this stage. You’ll probably feel that this is going to last forever. That you’ve permanently changed wither into a rock, or a wreck.

Well to be honest, the best thing to do at this point is not do anything at all. Let the breakup run its course. Let everything settle down. You probably think that you can fix it right now, but you can’t. Trust me. Doing anything before the dust settles will only ensure you know down some other pillar as you can’t see where you’re going. So sit tight. Get in touch with all your feelings. Get them out of your system. Once everything has settled, which could take from a month to a year, and you both have had enough time to think, then go talk things out. If it’s love, it’s gotta last, if it didn’t last, it wasn’t love. So don’t be afraid to give yourself as much of a time out as you and your body need.

Just remember this guys. Every dark cloud has a silver lining, and the night’s always the darkest before the dawn..
Things WILL get better. They have to. 🙂

Lots of love.
Xx.

P.s- Leave a comment if you liked the post of if you generally have any comments on the topic! Thankyouuu! 😀

fORever..

I Love you the most. I will love you forever. I will always be there for you. I’m never gonna let you go.
Heard these words too often to believe them anymore?
How do you know when someone means these words, and when someone doesn’t?

How can you blindly trust someone when they say these things to you?
YOU CAN’T.

That’s the beauty of it all.
If you do trust someone and they fall through on their word,
or if you don’t and you realise a little too late that they meant what they were saying
You will in the end realise that your decision is all that mattered.
If you trust the person, you will automatically believe them without even thinking about it.
Don’t try too hard to be someone you are not.

Follow your heart instead of your head 🙂

After all.. life is all about chances right?

P.s- Leave a comment if you liked the post of if you generally have any comments on the topic! Thankyouuu! 🙂

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