Lights Will Guide You Home.. And Ignite Your Bones, And I Will Try, To Fix You <3

 I don’t even realize when I start to smile every time I think about him… the thought of not having him around scares the life out of my soul. His smile lightens up my darkest days, and when I’m about to break down the one tight hug he gives me holds me together. I can’t stay angry with him for long, because he knows exactly what to say and when to say it, and no matter how hard I try I can’t ignore him making his adorable puppy dog faces at me not responding to him… It kills me from inside when I see him with the other girls… I know being protective isn’t good, but I simply can’t help but telling all my friends that he’s all mine. The days that I don’t get to see him are a bunch that I don’t want to live through, and a moment without him seems incomplete. When I hear our song I get this deep feeling which lifts my heart out of my body and gifts it to him. every move he makes, every breath he takes, every word he speaks, every look he peeks, every smile he wears, all my pain he shares, every time I see him I feel as if I know I couldn’t do without him by my side, and I know very well that the day will come… and when It does god only knows what is going to happen to me… because then the only thing I live for, will be gone and I’ll be stuck hanging by a moment there with him, only that he won’t actually be there with me. He’ll leave me hanging there on my own and sure enough I’ll be stuck there till he comes and pulls me up again.

I wake up in the morning rushing to school to meet him. To see him. To hug him. to tell him that I love him and I can’t do without him. And when he promises me that he’ll always be there, I smile, knowing that forever is a word that can’t be used at this stage of life, but the secure feeling it promises is one that I need to feel. He tells me he loves me more than anything,.. and that I’d have to be inhuman to  be able to love him more… hearing this wipes the largest smile right across my face, something he lives to see. All my friends know how much he means to me, but if only they could understand that when I say I love him, I mean it. if anyone could experience true love at this age, I dare say that it would be me, and very surprisingly when I say that I could love him forever, even if i tell him things like I will love him to death, even if he leaves me standing in the cold winter winds, it doesn’t freak him out at all. if only he could see himself from my eyes and feel what I go through when he kisses me on my cheek, and holds my hand.

 He’s all I want… he’s all I need.. He’s the sole heir to my heart, and without him embracing my heart, it would surely shatter into a million pieces.. Some so small that they would be impossible to find ever again. It beats me how I can stand with him without wanting to hold his hand and tell him that every moment i spend with him together form the best moments of my life. When I’m with him, I need him to know that it can’t get better than this for me… and if during the journey ahead we do drift apart… I wouldn’t want him to cry over what we have lost, but to remember what we had and know… that for me, it was for sure the greatest thing ever on the face of earth.

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Every Day I’m Shufflin’ ;)

Heyyy all you Party Animalllss!

Last night i went out to this insane party and was reminded what FUN was all about. And i thought, just in case you guys have been too busy with other duties and forgotten what your one and only duty to yourself is : PARTYING SO HARD THAT YOU BLOW YOUR, AND EVERYONE ONE AROUND YOU’S MINDSSS!!!!

Booze on the house, Hot guys, sexy women, insane DJ, a trampoline ( :/ ?), and neon light- bands and strips. If there’s one thing that was missing, it was me 😛 (till i got there..!)

All my friends were piss drunk already, smoking up to the extent that the location reeked of weed, but that didn’t stop anyone. In fact, it kind of caught the attention of a few uninvited queers who gate-crashed at the party and created a scene. Since everyone was high or drunk anyway, it didn’t really even matter xD

Anyway all you Delicious looking Boys and Insanely SEXY Girls, put on your best shirt and shortest dresses and highest heels, slob make up all over yourselves, and go out there and impress everyone whose eyes even fall on you. Feel like the queen of the world tonight 😉

(P.s- try not finding yourselves on a hospital bed attached to a monitor the next morning 😛

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Pressure, Pressing Down on Me !

A Room full of white sofas and polished wooden floors. Ambient music playing in the background. A martini in your hand. You feel like swimming, so you take of your flamboyant sun hat and sun glasses and put them aside. You slip off your summer frock and are now in the costume you were already wearing underneath, and walk outside to the pool.  You take a dive in the pool, your fingertips hit the water and, *boom…*

You can suddenly hear alarms ringing everywhere. The million alarms finally die down to one loud sound which you still can’t figure out the source of. You suddenly open you eyes and you realize that all the sofas and music has vanished. Then it hits you.. nap’s over. Time to get back to work!

Ever felt like you just NEED to run away from all  the papers and chores and just do NOTHING for a while? Do you often remind yourself that you have done nothing for yourself in the past.. umm.. FOREVERRR because theres just always sooo much work that has to be done?

Well darling, go pour yourself a nice drink and order yourself some amazingly good food, because even though  you might not need all those calories, you DEFINITELY don’t need all that stress bogging your mind!

There’s always going to be a lot that has to be done, and you’re always going ot be expected ot do it, but you are also expected to take a break sometimes, and deservingly do some of the things you’ve been wanting to do for a while.

So get the papers off your desk and go find that room with white sofas, wooden floors and ambient music. Put on your costume, slip a summer frock on top, wear your flamboyant hat and fancy sun glasses and just get out there and have fun 😀

Kill The Pressure, Don’t Let It Kill You :*

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Fight. Don’t Give In..

Think of a small, dark room. A room filled with all the memories that make you feel like howling your eyes out. Memories that make you so angry, that you feel like you could kill someone. Memories that make you so sad, that you could lose track of time due to depression. Now think about what would happen, if you would get locked into that room, and someone lost the keys which were the only means through which you could get out.

Trapped in all those suffocating memories, you see moments and frames of your life which you thought you had long forgotten.  You relive moments which you wished and wished weren’t yours. You stand and watch yourself make a million wrong decisions but you can’t do anything about them. It feels like torture. The pain gets worse than open surgery without anesthesia. Undergoing that trauma all over again kills your self – confidence. You are so emotionally overcome by everything you feel and see that you can barely manage speaking a few broken-up words. You’re lost. You’re stuck. You’ve got nowhere to go.

Depression is defined as a condition of mental disturbance, typically with lack of energy and difficulty in maintaining concentration or interest in life. It brings along with it feelings of hopelessness and inadequacy, severe despondency and dejection. But in reality, it’s a whole lot more.

It feels like your life has lost all meaning that it ever had. As though you’re not good enough to live, and nobody cares about you anymore. You cry for hours on end without even knowing why. Light and smiles feel like arch enemies, and the dark becomes a place where you confide in yourself. You lose your appetite and your sleep, an it feels like someone took a big chunk out of your heart.

It’s not necessary that you feel this way because someone has hurt you or anything of that sort. Sometimes it just a phase that you go through, but for those of you who get stuck in this phase for more than a month continuously, its time to break out and go see what things life has in store for you. Go smell the flowers and see the butterflies.

You must always remember that even though it might seem like not even a soul cares, there are always people who do. You will probably disagree with me out here, but i can assure you that if you just post a sad face as your status on facebook, or  tweet it out, at least 3 people will ask you if you’re okay and what happened. It might not seem like a lot, but at least 3 people kills your idea of not a soul caring.

There’s absolutely no need for you to let anything make you feel so bad. Even though you might not know the source o your depression, change the way your mind thinks. Try diverting your mind fro thinking (which is obviously making you sad ) to just processing.

You can do this by watching some episodes, listening to music, dancing, reading, etc. At first you won’t feel like it, but once you make it into a routine you will realize that the time you spend doing these things, your mid will be so busy just processing what you are doing that it wont have time to remind you of all the things that went wrong.

Stare at a blank sheet of paper. Go on, do it. Now tell me what you see. A blank, empty page right? Good. Now make that page the new beginning you desperately need. Fill it up with colors. You may even just fake it at first,  but keep going, you’ll soon see that you will start genuinely feeling happy. Do new things. Go talk to new people. Even if it means cutting a few people out of your life for a while, go do it.

Break out through the dark clouds like a glowing beam of sunshine. You owe it to yourself, and to all the people around you. 🙂

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7/11, 26/11, and now 13/7..

The moment we speak of terror attacks we remember the most recent heart wrenching attack that took place in Bombay during those fatal hours on the 26th of November, 2008. Many dear ones were lost. One such person was a close friend.

She had been there for me through thick and thin, and i can never in words thank her for how much she had done for me. As friends, we don’t often remind each other

that there is nobody else in the world who can replace what we mean to each other. Neither do we appreciate every little thing that is done for us. We take it for granted that we will repay their kindness with enough love from us to them.

It’s only when you lose someone, that you regret not saying that all those things you didn’t say, because you expected them to already know it in their hearts.It’s true, when they say, that you only realize what you’ve lost after it’s gone as is the fact that it only really hits you when you need them the most, and you then feel the loss of them not being there anymore.

Never hold back from thanking someone for the things they do for you, or even for just always being there, because it’s always better to say things when you know someone can hear you, as the feeling of uncertainty caused by whether a thought or prayer even reaches someone you lost is a deeply depressing one and we never can really know what the future has in store for us .

The lives lost in these attacks can in no way be compensated for, and no amount of money, prayers, promises or apologies can justify or make up for what happened. Terrorism is an evil that we all are facing very often these days and no matter what we do to try and avoid it, we can never be sure that the person who loses their life next time due to such an incident won’t be us.

All my love support and prayers go out to all the people who have ever lost someone in any act of terrorism. The feeling is horrible.. but it Will get better ❤

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A Few Things To Think About..

As human beings, we always try to reason out everything we see, think or hear.

Even though the reason may not always make complete sense, and sometimes make no sense at all, we still need to think that we’ve found the cause or trigger to every action definable, just to make ourselves feel better and feel involved.

If someone loves us, we want to know why, what they love about us, since when they’ve felt this way, and the questions go on and on. Then we graduate onto wanting to hear the fact that they love us everyday, every hour, every minute.

After a while, not saying the things (that are mostly evident) makes us feel as though something is gravely wrong, when an outside observer could confirm that we have completely lost our minds and are just over thinking everything for no reason.

We put pieces together, in vain efforts to find out what “the larger picture” is, when most of the time it is staring us right in the face, or maybe isn’t there at all.

We try and change ourselves just to suit the likes and dislikes of others. We change and change, and change and change, until we think that we have finally achieved perfection. what we dont realize, is that finding this so called state of perfection has driven us so far away from we really were that we dont even recodnise ourselves anymore. still, happy with our new selves we continue to live, and change

Just when we think we figured things out, the universe throws us a curveball. So, we have to improvise. We find happiness in unexpected places. We find ourselves back to the things that matter the most. The universe is funny that way. Sometimes it just has a way of making sure we wind up exactly where we belong.

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“Love is more a state of mind than anything else. We get so used to it that sometimes we start liking it. Then we realize we need it, and move on to wanting it. Which is why some of us even shape our lives around it. And when it falls apart, we are left shattered, broken and in agony. The pain is unimaginable. The pain, the heart-break, feels like organ failure, and then death. The only difference being that death ends. This on the other hand, can go on, and on. and on, for a VERY long time.

That is why most of us find it better to stay alone. We build up our protective shields and place them around our emotions and stand guard. But what if it’s too late? What if we realize that instead of looking for the perfect partner we are just looking for the perfect dose of love and care, of affection, for the feeling that we’ve started craving so much. And since we all believe that something is better than nothing, we begin to settle for whatever we can find. We begin to believe that its feasible. We settle for way less than we deserve.

Which is why when we are happy, when we convince ourselves we are happy, we know that we really aren’t. We realize that we are compromising for some part, any part, of what we want so bad. Just so that we feel complete. Even if it’s just for a moment or two. But then why do we repeatedly shape our lives around it? Why do we allow ourselves to make it a habitual process? It falls apart once, falls apart twice, and by the time we start from the beginning for the third time, instead of a fresh start we realize that we are working with broken bricks – crushed and shattered by the forces that we have exposed them to. How can we expect a wall made with damaged bricks to hold up? How can we expect the same bricks to fit in, in the same order, when they’ve been chipped and chiseled? We can’t.

Anyhow, we can’t really blame ourselves. Love enacts a dangerous disease. It enters our bodies and spreads through our bloodstream, captivating every part of us. It then begins to mutate and change its shape, dis-enabling our anti-love-bodies from identifying, attacking and then eradicating it. Living inside us like an instinct which has naturally developed inside us. It makes us trust it. We begin to try and give ourselves to it. We begin to give into it. And then, like every disease it attacks us. And it may not show on the outside, but it tends to cause immense amounts of internal damage. The sort of damage that leaves scars. Scars which are left so deep inside us, that they might disappear in time, but the memory of them existing never does.”

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