Lesson 1
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing
up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in
a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the
next-door neighbour. Before she says a word, Bob says, “I’ll give you
£800 to drop that towel.” After thinking for a moment, the woman drops
her towel and stands naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands
her £800 and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back
upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, “Who was
that?” “It was Bob the next door neighbour,” she replies. “Great!” the
husband says, “did he say anything about the £800 he owes me?”
Moral of the story:
If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with
your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable
exposure.
A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs,
forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After
controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.The nun said,
“Father, remember Psalm 129?” The priest removed his hand. But, changing
gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said,
“Father, remember Psalm 129?” The priest
apologized “Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.” Arriving at the convent,
the nun went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to
look up Psalm 129. It said, “Go forth and seek, further up, you will
find glory.”
Moral of the story:
If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great
opportunity.
Lesson 3
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to
lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes
out. The Genie says, “I’ll give each of you just one wish.” Me first! Me
first!” says the admin clerk. “I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a
speedboat, without a care in the world.” Puff! She’s gone. Me next! Me
next!” says the sales rep. “I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach
with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the
love of my life.” Puff! He’s gone. “OK, you’re up,” the Genie says to the
manager. The manager says, “I want those two back in the office after
lunch.”
Moral of the story:
Always let your boss have the first say
Lesson 4
An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small rabbit saw
the eagle and asked him, “Can I also sit like you and do nothing?” The
eagle answered: “Sure, why not.” So, the rabbit sat on the ground below
the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the
rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be very, very high up.
A turkey was chatting with a bull. “I would love to be able to
get to the top of that tree,” sighed the turkey, “but I haven’t got the
energy.” “Well, why don’t you nibble on some of my droppings?” replied
the bull. They’re packed with nutrients.” The turkey pecked at a lump of
dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest
branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached
the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly
perched at the top of the tree. He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who
shot him out of the tree.
Moral of the story:
Bullsh!t might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there.
Lesson 6
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird
froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying
there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him. As the frozen bird lay
there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The
dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and
soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird
singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered
the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
Morals of the story:
(1) Not everyone who sh!ts on you is your enemy
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of sh!t is your friend
(3) And when you’re in deep sh!t, it’s best to keep your mouth shut!
This ends the 3-minute management course
Have a great weekend
